My Life, Tub's Wife

We are taught early in life to make a list of the things we desire. Birthday wish lists, graduation wish lists and hints for Santa  - for those of us old enough to remember, there was even a BIG wish book from Sears! Today, we still make our “wish lists” for others, only now we call it a gift registry, right? 

Those material gifts aren’t our only desires. There are deeper, more intangible things that we long for in our heart.

Are you seeking:

·         a spouse,

·         children,

·         a new job,

·         financial security,

·         a settled health situation,

·         a child to return to Christ?

These, my friend, are desires of our hearts. Desires that at times can make our hearts physically ache. 

The Bible clearly tells us in Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

How wonderful! What a promise! Let’s look at another promise from the Lord in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Get happy, Christian! That’s some good Word! 

… but …

What happens when those two places intersect instead of parallel? Have you been there? When the desires of your heart and God’s plan seem to meet at a crossroads? Red light? Flashing yellow?

Time to wait… time to trust.

When our desires and God’s plan hit an impasse, it’s time to realize that He knows best. When it seems things aren’t moving or are not moving at the speed WE want, He’s moving. He’s working. Trust Him, friend. Trust His plan. Surrender your desires to His plan. Yield. He wants what’s best for us and HIS best will always be better than anything we could have desired for ourselves.

I’m going to sit right here at this intersection and wait. No matter how much I want to hit the gas pedal, I’m waiting. Yielding. Knowing in my heart, He’s going to provide in the very best way -  when He’s ready - to give me the green light.

How about you?

Do you ever look around your house and your car saying “Oh, this is just a mess!”? Then, if you are anything like me, the next thing is “Family, no one is doing anything until this place is cleaned up and put in order.”

Sometimes that’s what leads us to Jesus! We look around our lives, we look in the mirror … we say “Oh, this has become just a mess!”

The thing is : we can’t cry out to our family for a clean up day. No pastor. No church. No good deeds.

Only Jesus. (Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6 ESV)

Trust me, it doesn’t matter how big or small, complicated or well, MESSY your mess is… Nothing is too messy for Jesus. You can’t surprise Him. You can’t throw something at Him that He hasn’t seen - come on, it’s Jesus :)

Once you go to Him, simply saying “I believe in You, I need You to clean me up, help me out.” - He will. He won’t force you, but once you ask - He will never leave you.

I’m still a mess at times, some times more than others! Now I have the ultimate “quicker picker upper”!

Yesterday I lived like a ball inside a pinball machine. Reacting to everything I hit. Some things gently pushing me aside and some things giving me electric jolts, sending me flying off course into another direction. The last bit of planned, proactive day I had was in the morning “coming out of the chute”.

By the end of the night, I was exhausted from all the crazy, “loud”-ness bouncing around pinball life. I felt unaccomplished and disconnected from everything and everyone. It was like a true “TILT”!

Today, I started my morning with praying simply “Lord, help today not be like yesterday. Help me to be focused and not distracted by the little upsets of this world. Remind me every moment that YOU are what matters and You will handle the rest.”

I asked Him then to give me a “connect-the-dot” day instead of a pinball machine day, if it was His will. I’d like to be focused and orderly today, accomplishing some of the many things I need to get done. He knows the desires of my heart and He loves me.

I feel confident that today is going to be incredible! Psalm 100:5 says God is good and He is all the time.

Now, where is that #1 so I can get started ?

Bud and Thelma were married for 57 years. They had been riding “uptown” together in their truck for as long as either could remember: going to town for shopping, church, visiting, dinner, the tool store…

One day on the way uptown, 75 year old Bud looked over and noticed his 74 year old wife crying. “What’s wrong, Thelma?” She wiped her face, almost embarrassed, “I remember when we were so much closer. We held hands on the way uptown, we sat closer together, we didn’t have to yell to speak.” …

Bud, with his hands on the steering wheel, looked at Thelma across the cab of the truck and said in his old, common sense voice, “Well, honey, I didn’t move.”

Are you like Thelma? Feeling a distance in your relationship from God? Have things changed? Talking less? Spending less time together? Have you grown apart?

Let me assure you:

He hasn’t moved.

He is right where you left Him.

Return! I promise you, He’s waiting. Longing for you to “slide back over”.

…But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. (Luke 15:20b, ESV)

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week. I was made aware of it this morning and I’m thankful for the discovery.

You see, God used this thing called “infertility” to move me, mold me and shape a lot of choices in my life. Those choices played a large factor in the woman I am today.

The RESOLVE theme for the week is “Don’t ignore infertility.” I found this to be such a perfect theme, because isn’t that what we try to do with anything that’s painful? Push it away? Hide or run from it? Ignore it?

Let me tell you from experience: infertility is painful.

I believe strongly that some of the pain I’ve experienced has come unintentionally from others who just didn’t know how to handle certain situations.

I want to focus on three “Don’t ignore”s  today … but please don’t stop reading just because you don’t deal with infertility issues YOURSELF. My “don’t ignore”s are for friends and family of those dealing with infertility, too. 

1.       Don’t ignore opportunities to talk about infertility.  I have at least three good friends who would love to be pregnant right now. We talk about it, we share about it. I am open about the fact that I had 11 (yes, that is eleven) unsuccessful pregnancies. I talk about:  the weight gain, the depression, the marital problems, insecurity, feelings of failure, etc. I want these awesome, amazing, Godly women to know that there is nothing wrong with them or anything they are feeling. I will talk about infertility and the affects it has on a women until I’m blue in the face if I think it will allow one person to understand that infertility does NOT equal imperfection.

2.       Don’t ignore people struggling with infertility. Reach out to your family and friends who are struggling with this issue. Some infertility etiquette issues… NOT because you don’t care, but because no one’s ever written a manual on “how to handle the couple struggling with infertility”.

a.       Don’t leave them out of things because you think they might be uncomfortable! Invite them and let them make the decision whether or not to attend little Suzie’s birthday party.

b.      Don’t tell them to relax. Many times there are medical issues involved and even if not, how comfortable do you think this makes a couple feel when Great Aunt Jenny is giving advice to “just relax”. Ugh.

c.       Don’t say there are worse things that could happen. Really? Who determines what’s worse?

d.      Don’t push adoption (yet). Don’t ask if they’ve tried IVF. Don’t ask about surrogacy. Trust me, if they are dealing with infertility issues – there is not an option that you could bring up that hasn’t crossed their mind. Remember, having a baby is not a passing thought to them. It is quite possibly the most important thing on their mind. Hours of research and studying options are going into this process.

e.      Don’t say they are meant to be parents. No matter how pure your heart is and how good your intentions are, this sentence never comes across any way but hurtful. Please remove it from your vocabulary. It hurt me more than anything and I think it would hurt any woman trying to be a mom.

f.        FOR PREGNANT WOMEN ONLY: It’s not your fault. Your infertile friends love you. They are sincerely happy for you. When you have your baby, they will love him/her as much as they love you. Please be aware, no matter how unselfish, how Godly, how sincere, how ANYTHING she is : it is painful for your infertile friend to be around you. They want to experience what you are experiencing.

Please just be sensitive to them. Complain to your other friends about morning sickness, swelling, stretch marks… you see, I would have done anything and so would your infertile friends, to have those things.

g.       Remember them on Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. Miraculously, I had a migraine or sinus infection or strep throat every Mothers’ Day from 1986 until 1998. I would try anything to stay out of church. Not always successful, these times would be the most painful days of the year. Too many organizations are completely oblivious to how they treat married woman who are not mothers on these special days. It is almost cruel.

If you are a member of a church staff, restaurant staff, any organization that recognizes mothers on Mothers’ Day, I am going to ask you: This year, pay special attention to how your organization words things … how do you treat woman who may be desperately trying to have a child, wanting nothing more to be recognized when  you ask those who are mothers to “stand up” and for YET ANOTHER YEAR they have to remain seated. There are few things more discouraging, more disheartening, more devaluing.

3.       Don’t ignore this season of your life and the strength God’s given you to get through it.  

God is always good. Always. “For the Lord is good;…” Psalm 100:5

When you are in the middle of what I call the ‘season of infertility’, it is easy to let your emotions take over and forget that God’s still God. He’s still good. He still wants what’s best for you. For a long period, I thought He had forgotten me. In reality, He never took His hands nor His eyes off of me. He always had a plan for my life. Looking back, everything that I experienced, even the darkest, loneliest times were for my benefit. You see, it was at those times that I leaned on Him the most. At the times when I felt I had no one and I felt broken to my core, He was all I needed and He got me through to the morning.  Trust His plan. You are stronger than you think. Don’t ignore your strength.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

·         http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

·         http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

You know, in our heads, we understand God’s love for us.

Sometimes it’s easy to take His love for granted or to overlook it. We make it some super lofty thing… we don’t “bring it home” or make it real.

The truth is: it’s a day-to-day, moment-to-moment love. He loves us with a daily, “care for our every need” kind of love.

That bill that you are concerned about… tell Him. Feeling overwhelmed with tasks and to-do lists… tell Him. Feeling sick, tired, body giving out on you… talk to Him. Kids not acting right, doing poorly in school, disobedient… He already knows, talk to Him. How about YOU need to get on track with your prayer life, reading the Word, getting back to church… you know who understands you the best? Him! … He loves you, He knows you …

NO ONE WANTS YOU TO SUCCEED more than He does.

Last year, I was challenged by the thought of NOT doing a New Year’s resolution. This was very attractive to me since I usually have an #epicfail with resolutions. No matter what I try:

• read the Bible every day,
• lose weight,
• cook dinner every night,
• get to work on time every day (just get SOME PLACE on time),

… you know the routine, right? So “one word” sounded great - the idea is that you choose one word and focus or filter everything you do through that word. In 2011, I prayed about it and felt very strongly that the Lord lead me to : GLORIFY.  

Looking back over 2011, I don’t feel the big FAIL stamped on my forehead. I think there were times I could have GLORIFIED God more, but overall - I feel that I did my best at glorifying the Lord with my time, talents and words.

2011 is over… it’s time to look at 2012. My husband is not a resolution or “one word” maker. The closest I can get out of him is “Every Christian’s one word should be: God.” Yes, honey, agreed. :) However… back to me …

I prayed about this for about 2 weeks. I wanted to be all spiritual about it - you know, the good Pastor’s wife. 

The Lord just grins at me sometimes, I am sure. 

It was almost in an argument with myself when it came to me and I said:

“It’s all about FREEDOM. Being a Christ follower is about FREEDOM. Not that we are free to live foul or get involved in whatever mess we want to, but freedom from legalism, freedom from fear, freedom from suffering in hell, freedom from people’s rules about religion, freedom from guilt (because guilt and conviction are not the same), freedom to worship the way we are comfortable, freedom to love the Lord with our whole being…”

I want to live a life of FREEDOM in Christ. Every day I want to just think about how free I am with Him right beside me. 

For me personally, I am going to filter my actions through the “one word” FREEDOM focusing on the freedom to forgive, love and serve!

* freedom to forgive :

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 

* freedom to love :  

Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:36

* freedom to serve :

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. Galatians 5:13

Praying you have a great 2012! Let’s spend it together!

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17 (ESV)

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1 (ESV)

Our actions reveal our true beliefs.

Do our actions line up with our words? Not only spoken words. Written words - do our lives match our Facebook or Twitter status? Facebook comments? Facebook pictures?

Do people who only know you offline even know that you claim Christianity? Would they be shocked to hear you say “praying” to someone? Do you only love Jesus online?

How about your kids that can’t read yet? Do they know that you love Jesus the way that your “shares” on Facebook or your “retweets” say that you do? Shouldn’t they?

Your neighbors? Are they aware of this love you have for Jesus? I don’t mean - a 6 foot billboard in the front yard that says “Jesus is the Savior” causing them neighborhood association stress. I mean, kindness, compassion, a family loading up consistently in the car to go for worship, actually inviting them!, telling them about salvation, living like Christ! …..in.real.life…..

Are you just a Christ-follower online? Are you His friend “IRL”?

And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? (Hebrews 3:18 NLT)

Let all who are spiritually mature agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you.

(Philippians 3:15 NLT)

The Holy Spirit is like the referee in a basketball game; calling what is in or out. If you are on the border of a disagreement or a decision, listen to Him. Is He telling you to “hush”? Is He telling you to “move” or “be still”? The Amplified version says “God will make that clear to you”. Are you listening? Obeying?

I have two goals for today from my Titus 2 Bible study last night.

1) Honor Christ by honoring others.

2) Be ruthless in confessing my sin.

Those sound like solid, stretch goals for me. 

The big question is “What does that look like?” 

In real life. Every day. Get up. Go to work. Deal with real people. Deal with myself. 

Let’s take #1 - Honor Christ by honoring others. 

First of all, who are these “others”? 

Wives, how about your husbands? Stop criticizing him. Get him a glass of tea when you get yourself a drink. Watch his TV show instead of yours. Fix his dinner plate. Don’t correct him in front of others. Notice him. Brag on him in front of his family. Pick one thing and just do it. If you already are a great honor-er of your man, do just one more! :)

Everyone, how about your parents? Call your parents. Send them a card. Mow their yard. Wash their car. Tell someone how blessed you are to have them. Go to church with them if you don’t go to your own church. Cook them a meal. Take them to dinner. Notice them. Spend time with them. Look through old pictures with them. Listen to them. 

Parents, how about your children? Choose words that honor your children. Don’t yell as much today as you did yesterday. Hug your child. Laugh at a joke that isn’t funny. Really listen to what your teenager is saying. Notice them. Recognize and appreciate their differences. Talk about what they actually did today. Listen. Listen. Listen. Put down the phone and the computer. (ouch)

Employees, how about your employer? Work hard at your job, give them their monies worth. Look to save them money. Do not talk bad about their company. Be friendly. Notice them. Tell them about Christ - if not in words, in actions.

Church member, how about your pastor? Pray for him. Tell him the things he does well sometimes. Love his family. Attend church services and activities. Be friendly to church visitors and their children. Pray for him. Pray for him. Pray for him.

Christian, how about … everyone? Notice them. Tell them about Jesus. Choose words that honor them. Don’t dismiss those who don’t seem important or worthy. Notice them. Notice them. Tell them about Jesus. Tell them about Jesus (get that part!?!)

(Yes - I repeated “Notice them. Pray for him. Tell them about Jesus.” on purpose. You can’t do those things enough!)

Now, #2 - Be ruthless in confessing my sin.

 ”Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” Proverbs 28:13 (ESV)

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9 (ESV)

In every day living, for me - this looks like a constant conversation with God.

It’s me saying “messed that one up, God” or “Wow, forgive me”.

No, I’m not planning on killing my neighbor or robbing a bank today. However, sin is sin. I want to be ruthless in my confession of them. I’ll leave you today with some synonyms of ruthless and ask you to join me in these two goals.

Ruthless: syn. adamant, relentless, unyielding

Black and white. Staring at you. 

Today I was sitting in my porch, reading the Bible because in all honesty, I needed a retreat with Jesus. I didn’t have a reading plan - no study to work on - just my Bible, Diet  Coke and a pen. Before reading, I asked God to break me. Make sure I wasn’t becoming complacent, lazy… That I wasn’t being a Christian taking the easy way. I have been feeling a little “light” and I want to go deeper. I need more Word.

I promised God my full attention and asked Him to meet me in a fresh place.

I turned to Philippians 1:1 and started to read. I like Philippians. As a longtime Baptist girl, there are lots of great memory verses in this book : for me to live is Christ, and to die is gain (1:21); do all things without grumbling or questioning, (2:14); but whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ (3:7); and many more!  

One frequently quoted passage popped up on my reading radar: do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (4:6)

We know this, right? We are not supposed to worry or stress. We are supposed to pray with thanksgiving. Make it known to Him. Don’t hold it in. Don’t tell your neighbor.

Talk to the One who loves you most. The One who can use His supernatural power to do something about your situation.

I continued on …

Verse 7: and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Stop.right.there.

When I am stressed about a situation - Satan attacks my mind. Constantly. It is his battle field. I wake up and my thoughts turn immediately to the problem at hand, I try to sleep and I think of the issue.  Sometimes, it’s on my mind so much that I get a headache. 

I understand peace in my heart, really. I get that. 

God is directly telling me in His Word that His peace, which is more than I can ever understand, will guard my MIND! 

Why am I not crying out for this like I should be? Why am I not letting my requests for MYSELF be made known to Him like I am for others? 

If I was starving and someone offered me a ham sandwich, I wouldn’t just eat the ham and leave the bread. If I was drowning and someone tossed a flotation ring from their boat, I wouldn’t take the flotation ring and let them keep the rope ! 

It’s time to claim the peaceful minds that God has for us. Let’s not be anxious. 

Let’s pray. 
Give thanks. 
Have peaceful hearts and minds!

Max Lucado says “The grace-given give grace.”

This quote has been on my mind a lot since it came across my Twitter page a few days ago. 

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I allowed my mind to revisit an incident that took place recently. I actually caught myself saying aloud,:

“That person is so rude to me and I am over it. I am just done with them. I can’t take any more.”

Now granted, I was in my room - alone - in private. Didn’t matter. My mouth said it, my heart heard it and my God knew I meant it, at least in that moment.

Almost instantaneously, the Holy Spirit took me right back to the Max Lucado quote:

The grace-given give grace.

I had a thought, “At times, I am rude to God.”

• when I don’t read His love letter to me - His Word - the Bible
• when I go for inexcusable periods of time without talking with Him
• when I don’t do what He tells me to do - the first time
• when I don’t love others, like He loves others
• when I withhold my talents, tithes & service - directly disobeying Him
• when I put others before Him

My heart felt physical pain when I realized that God could say of me:

“That Melissa is so rude to me and I am over her. I am just done with her. I can’t take Melissa’s rudeness any more.”

Grace.

God’s grace in Christ teaches us how we should live. Titus 2:11-12 states “For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God,” (NLT)

Are you counted in the “grace-given”? Have you received God’s grace? If so, you are called now to be a “grace-giver”. You and I must deal with that “rudeness” in other ways. 

The “over it” and “done with it” option no longer exists for us, even when we are alone in our rooms getting dressed for work.

We can’t allow the situations of this evil world (busy life, hurtful conversations) to pull us from doing what we know is right (wisdom, righteousness and devotion to God).

Let’s be sure the grace-given are being grace-givers.